Just Love ‘Em

I have been thinking a lot lately about the uneasy tension between having and enforcing rules or policies and being a disciple of Christ. Let me preface this discussion by acknowledging that there have to be laws, rules and policies and a mechanism to enforce them, whether that’s within a family, an institution or a society, including (and maybe especially) within an organized religion. That, as Precious Ramotswe would say, is well known. I also want to acknowledge the hard work, difficult decisions, and challenges that face mission leaders. Having said that, does there come a time when strict or blind adherence to rules and policies come into conflict with your actual mission (pun intended)? Let’s blog!

Let me give you a few examples of what prompted this discussion. Young sister missionaries are teaching a young woman who had joined the church as a teenager, then within a short time left the church and had her name officially removed from church records. Now she has decided to consider rejoining the church and expressed an interest in taking the missionary discussions. What happens if the young missionaries are told they can no longer meet with this young woman because she would not technically be a “convert” baptism, and therefore they do not have the “keys” or “authority” to teach her?

Sister missionaries are teaching someone who is biologically one sex, but who identifies as the other and is undergoing hormone therapy. Do you instruct the sister missionaries to “drop” that person and stop teaching them because they cannot be baptized as long as they are undergoing “medical” treatment to transgender? And, if they cannot be baptized under their current situation, go find someone who can?

A friend of the church, who wants to be baptized but cannot yet because they have a roommate of the opposite sex (and getting out of the lease and moving to a new apartment is economically challenging for both of them), feels the need as part of her progression and journey to join the church to “confess” past sins with someone she views as an ecclesiastical leader. Do you instruct the missionaries to tell her that she cannot meet with either the branch or district president as she is not yet a member and therefore neither the branch nor district president have the “keys” or “authority” to hear a “confession” or to “officially” pardon her sins?

These are just a few examples of situations that you experience in the mission field, where technical application of rules and policies may seem at odds with Christ’s directive to leave the ninety and nine in search of the one. And as I thought through each of these situations this past week, two thoughts immediately came to mind. First, What in the world would the Church do without awesome “we don’t have no stinkin’ rules” senior missionary couples who can pick up the slack and work a little “non-policy” magic behind the scenes? And second, WW(M)JD (What Would Mike Jones Do)?

The three or so years I spent working with Bishop Jones (the Second? Junior? the Younger?) and the Priests were some of my most enjoyable and rewarding times. And when we would encounter difficult challenges with some of the young men, and we would sit down to discuss how we should approach the situation, Mike’s response was always the same: “Just love ’em.” I’ll admit that the first time I heard him say that, I felt like maybe it was a bit trite, or perhaps just a way to avoid addressing the “real” problem. But he meant it, and more importantly he lived it. And, amazingly enough, when you truly love someone–despite all their blemishes, their shortcomings, their human failings–they often correct the “real” problem on their own.

When Sister Bates and I decided to serve a mission, I knew I was not going to worry about “pros hours,” “numbers and glory” or “key indicators.” Rather, with respect to the people I would meet I decided to “just love ’em,” regardless of their situation or struggles. I resolved that I would meet people where they were and, if they were willing, help them progress along the path a little. In a world so full of hate, it’s actually very refreshing to surrender your biases, prejudices and preconceptions and just love. And once you make that decision and have that motivation, it’s amazing how quickly those three little words can come out of your mouth . . . and be sincere.

My faithful readers will remember that I have previously discussed my firm belief in the “two great commandments.” And my need to be better about loving, not judging. (And yes, that’s a little shameless blog self-promotion for my newer readers.) But with all the self-loathing, self-doubt and low self-esteem you see in the world these days, I find myself wondering whether the second commandment shouldn’t be re-phrased as “love thy neighbor as you should love yourself.” But if you have a hard time loving yourself, maybe you aren’t really capable of loving others as the Savior would. Maybe that’s why living this commandment takes the better part of a lifetime for most people.

Growing up, there was a popular bumper sticker that you would see that said, “Kill ’em all and let God sort ’em out.” As a kid, I thought it was kind of funny. In today’s world, however, if I saw this bumper sticker, I would seriously wonder whether the driver of that pick-up (because, yes, that bumper sticker only appeared on pick-ups) had a few automatic rifles in the back seat and was intending to do just that. At this point in my mission, however, I would seriously consider buying a bumper sticker that said, “Love ’em all and let God sort ’em out later.” Because that’s what it feels like we are reduced to sometimes.

En tout cas, I don’t know if love can move mountains (shout out to Québec’s “once-in-a-generation voice”), but I do know that love will find a way (whether it’s this way or that way), regardless of how long it takes. One of the wonderful benefits of being a senior missionary is that we don’t have to worry about dropping or dumping friends who aren’t “progressing” sufficiently fast for our liking, or whose personal situations are preventing them from “progressing” at all. As Neal Maxwell said, “Perfect love is perfectly patient.”

It also makes me realize that this is a lesson I should have learned long ago.